sigh, i was so horrible to people in my past. god what would i do anything for a person like Johnathan again. i can't believe it i could have had a relationship then, my life would have been so different now. i would be living with him most likely, which is something i would not like. so i guess that's why it didn't happen.
now my dreams, I've had weird dreams..
ok the other night after havening sex with Alex...when i went home i had the weridist dream. i had a dream i was having sex with someone and it was the best sex I've had. lol, ironically it happened in life as well. but i went crazy on the person and came inside of him. anyways...the other night i had a dream that i went to the china and in my dream it was so beautiful..=) i saw the great wall of china. it was so exciting funny thing though i went into a town in china. and was trying to trade some American money for Chinese money but no one would do it lol, but also it turned into like this life or death situation where i was like trying to fight of these guys and i could do flips and fly in the air like crouching tiger hidden dragon shit it was awesome very very unique and rare dream.
before i make a mistake and go into a relationship can my old bitter ways please return to me...give me some level headed views..before i dive head first into something i might regret later..=( i fall for the most stupid things these days the most stupid lines, the most stupid kindness from men. but their all sincere in their dealings. the kind words, appreciation, and admiration something all Leo's everywhere would love. but things like flowers, open doors, pulling my seat, being a gentlemen and asking if i am ok, used to annoy the hell out of me. i would turned off by flowers thought it was for pathetic people. but then...now it's all changed i smile. and laugh and think it's cute.. it all reminds me of Emmanuel..sigh. but i am ready. for anything now.
somehow they make you who are...what a concept..if my name was dee, i would be a bitch becuase people would pronounce my name wrong.
last night i sucked asian fob dick!! i did it, finally after wanting to suck asian dick, and get my hand on one! i finally did it, he was hot as hell. anyways when he suceked my dick it was heaven the mother fucker almost made me cum in his mouth. he was so verbal it was even more hot he even said someting in chinese !!! almot wet my self then but for some reasn haveing his nice body made me realise how mch i hate mine and i couldn't get into it because of my legs and my fat and made me realise sex is better when you feel comfortble with someone but obviously he wanted to fuck me so it didn't matter he asked me if i top or bottom. i said eighther i would fuck and get fucked by this hot mother fucker!
i work to much to enjoy my life right now..all i do is fucking work and it's getting to me know, it wasn't at first. there is so much i want to do this year but it dosen't look like it's going to happen because of my work looks like i am going to have to cut my job at event network..sadly i dont want to but it's paining me. i've got to go to school...full time. here i come...this year i am going to do things better! than last year. i plan on making something of myself don't thing trying more new thigns and going new places this year i am going to go to new york, and maybe some foreign country even if i have to pay a shit load of money!! here i come world.
as you gaze over the window..
i stare and notice your ears.
the inclination in your voice.
gives me these specific chills.
what do you see?
when you look at face value,
who are you waiting for.
when there is no one next to you.
It’s time to grow up,
Cut off any knowledge,
That we used to know.
If you’re done then I must be to,
Only you have the choice in this matter,
We went from to something to almost everything,
But then I/you left me with nothing.
There will always be this could have,
Something I could have showed you,
No matter how much I say I am better,
Doesn’t not cross out the fact.
That it’s time to grow up,
You with your job, and your boyfriend
Who somehow will always be better?
Than me.
Do you smile about what will never be?
Or dose it even cross your mind,
Songs I said to you,
Will forever play,
But at what affect?
i've been getting to involved with politics lately, i really really care about them more than ever considering what happened with the last presidency. =( anyways i hope we take good strides toward our future and end this war, one day. i know that sound kind of idealistic.
working at the gym is very fun i am tired as hell though working both jobs i like it, i know so much more people that know my name i feel bad i don't know any of their's but hey just as long as i smile and agree..and keep them happy that's all that matters. now i just need to get laid lol.
=) 858 353 2271 andrews numbe i will not loose this information. it's imporrtant to have he works at wallmart in national city, ok, the next step is to get this eviction off my record if not just pay it off..
i used to fear the end of the year, but it's not really ending my journy my life still continues time is stupid...why do we have to have ceartain things done at certain times..i am going to enjoy my life this year, things are about to chnage fore better even more than they already have
joseph
